6:00p.m.-Leave the office and grab an R train down to Prince street to hit up the beverage center for a rack of PBR's and Blueberry Lager for Lee. Already carrying a full bookbag, wearing Levis that breath worse then an obese coal miner with a pack-a-day habit.
6:16 p.m.-Realize this was a horrible idea and that I let my affinity for Cig Handsome cloud my judgement. Sweat begins to poor and I contemplate taking a piss on the side of a Chinese restaurant.
6:17 p.m.-Decide against the public urination and turn up the volume on my ipod to distract me. Run into a portly Asian woman rounding a corner too fast. She picks up the pace immediately in the opposite direction.
6:25p.m.-Sweats pouring. Arrive at the beer store after taking a wrong turn on Chrystie. They tell me they're closed, I tell them fuck you (nicely). Buy a case of Red,White n Blues and a 6 of Blue Point for the boo.
7:08 p.m.-Arrive at Lees. Muscles Ache and drenched in sweat from carrying 40 pounds of booze 15 blocks in 80 degree weather wearing jeans. Hop in the shower and curse Cig Handsome and his stupid birthday.
8:30 p.m.-Arrive at Officers apartment, sans girls, with all the booze. Commence with heavy and aggressive drinking.
10:oo p.m. -Drunk. Full of pizza and pride, meet Cogchill out front where we take cabs to Pier 69 and the Frying Pan. Ahhh, summer has arrived.
10:30 p.m. First few pitchers out of the way, round of shots, which no one finishes except for me. Pour the remaining shots into my beer, have a brief moment of self doubt, followed by pride, and chug. I'm a champion. I am un-stoppable.
11:15 p.m.- Dance-off! Have a 5 minute dance battle with some freak who looks like Jerry Garcia and Al Jankowitch had a love child and fed it angle dust. He claims victory. I claim he sucks, shake his hand and decide he needs this more than I do, conceding defeat.
12:00 a.m.:In cab to another bar in LES, realize the birthday boy is passed out on my shoulder, and tell the cab driver to turn around.
12:30 a.m.-Lee's apt. Too drunk and exhausted to be ashamed of how early the night ended and think of anything but the sweet surrender to sleep.
Saturday
11:30 a.m.-Depart Lee's with Cig Handsome. Meet Cogchill outside and head for what promises to be an interesting brunch.
12:00 p.m.-First drinks are served at the Italian cafe on 3rd. All you can drink Mimosas, so we put our testicles to the side and channel our Real Housewives of NYC (In actuality I can't drink Bloody Mary's, so I drink Mimosas much more than I'd like to admit). Actual food is an afterthought. We're here to rock. We in this bitch.
1:00 p.m.-Getting wasted. Things are going as planned. Eating as slowly as possible now, trying to keep the free booze flowing. They've at least about 4 bottles of Champagne solely for us, and that plus the fact that I woke up still drunk leads to an overwhelming sense of well being.
1:20 p.m.-Finally are handed our check, which their way of saying get the fuck out of here and stop scaring the other patrons. Feeling like we've gotten away with murder for how cheaply I just got drunk, I call it a victory and leave a fat tip.
2;00 p.m.-Sipping Bud Lights on the Officer's balcony discussing deep philosophical nuggets such as Vegas and taboo sex acts.
3:30 p.m.-Crashing. Head back to Bushwick for a shower and R&R. Jamaican beef patties, New Ports and grape drink help us revive enough to make it back to Manhattan by 8:oo.
8:05 p.m.-Grab Espressos by Union Square and walk up Park to Murray Hill.
8:20 p.m.-Drinks outback of Underground while Cogchill tries to talk his mother through transferring cash into my account, as he's "left his debit card at home" (not the first time).
9:00 p.m-More drinks on Officer's balcony accompanied by the Up in Smoke Tour DVD (don't ask).
12:00 a.m.-Arrive at Fiddle Sticks. Much drunker than I realize. After my initial freak-out over how crowded this place is with bro-clones hawking girls, relax and start ordering double jack n gingers. Things are looking up.
1:30 a.m. to ??? a.m. -
From here on out don't remember much. Outside talking to some music producer and bullshitting him about my role at my company. Offer him my card and some bad advice. Go back inside to find Cogchill in a fight with some girl because she made fun of his shirt. He called her ugly. Girls don't like this. I apologize for him. He hugs me. He leaves. I get drunker. Lee looks gorgeous. I almost fight an Asian (allegedly). I scream on the cab ride back about pizza that I will eventually have someone order, not pay for, and not eat. Sleep.
Sunday
11:30 a.m.-Breakfast with Lee. She looks cute. I look like a train-wreck. I eat a ton, feel horrible.
3:00 p.m.-Attempt to get Star Trek tickets: Sold Out. Buy Angels and Demons instead. Mildly disappointed i get over it with a large popcorn, soda and sour patch kids. I am fat. I am a loser. I feel o.k. with that.
6:00 p.m.-Movie was "eh". Return to Lee's and have her rub my upset stomach. Wonder why it hurt?
7:00: China Town. Weird Chinese place with neon pink lights inside everywhere. Immediately I am scared. Lo Mein arrives at the table next to us that looks like heaven. Relief washes over me. I am happy now. We eat. I feel worse than before, yet content. Walk around the block for some ice cream. First time I've done so in almost a year. Guy comments on my cone outside "cool ice cream", which makes the hundreds of dollars and months I've taken off my life all worth it.
11:40 p.m.-Bed with Lee. Exhausted mentally and physically, this is exactly what I need. Good weekend, good night. Happy birthday Cig Handsome and Magstress.
NEXT WEEKEND:
Lee and Miserable go to D.C.
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